The greatest movie critic we have is Roger Ebert. Here is his page. You’ll see why I think so by checking an old, old post I did on him. It is wholly worthwhile absolutely critical that you check in with him before seeing anything. Dude knows his stuff. And here are his ratings of the movies which were either new yesterday or added in the last month or so but which I missed because I’ve been such a bad moviegoer ever since law school started.

THE WRESTLER: 4 STARS

THE READER: 3.5 STARS

THE CURIOUS CASE OF BENJAMIN BUTTON: 2.5 STARS

MARLEY & ME: 3 STARS

BEDTIME STORIES: 2.5 STARS

THE SPIRIT: 1 STAR

VALKYRIE: 3 STARS

GRAN TURINO: 3.5 STARS

And here’s my own little Ebert review awards. Take them for what they’re worth.

Biggest surprise: Benjamin Button, for sure. The way people talked about this movie, you’d think not a single person in the world would dare give it less than an Oscar upon its opening. But Ebert says he became convinced throughout the film that the premise was “simply wrong.” Hmm. We’ll have to see it and find out if he’s right. Although he usually is.

Most obvious call: The Wrestler. I have to see this one. And it looks like one that Ebert would love: Aronofsky flick (Ebert was one of the few critics who LOVED The Fountain), Mickey Rourke, beat-down characters and brokenness all around. Gotta see it.

Contempt-off: Sometimes it’s gorgeously obvious when Ebert hated a movie. This time, it was The Spirit. Money quote:

I know I will be pilloried if I dare end this review without mentioning the name of the artist who created the original comic books. I would hate for that to happen. Will Eisner.

Personal reality check: Which of the films he presents will I, in the greatest likelihood considering my life circumstances (i.e., married, law student, living in the suburbs, surrounded by multiplexes, movie-watching with family members, etc., etc.), be seeing? Either Marley & Me (a lot of family whispering campaigns about this one during yule-tide festivities yesterday) or Valkyrie (a surprising front-runner from my always-surprising in-laws). So, according to Ebert, either is not bad. Good to hear.

Viagra. In Afghanistan.

Maybe I should rethink all my theologically based belly-aching about the war on terror. Learn to stop worrying and love the Blue Pill!

Merry Christmas everyone. Enjoy the ham, the eggnog, etc., etc. And take the chance at some point tonight to vote for the Christmas Hathos Award over at the Daily Dish. Also, for year-round hathos, check out the inspired new Hathos blog. It’s sweet. The Leonard Nemoy song is beautifully horrifying. See, I even gave you all the links you needed. Merry Christmas.

Did you tell Sen. Leahy to go $%&@ himself? Why yes; yes I did. And he deserved it.

Is the President of the United States above the law? As a matter of fact, yes!

Dick Cheney gets his chance to confront the nation and apologize for being evil. Or not.

Here's that famous grin. Enjoy it while it lasts, people!

I know we always think about the Bush/Cheney terror tag team and look forward longingly to Obama’s inauguration, the day when they finally hit the asphalt. But I also think it’s especially poignant to think about it in the context of tomorrow, and what it brings. Other than, of course, new digital Radio flyers!

“Outfitted with 5-point safety harnesses, padded seats, cup holders, foot brakes and fold-out storage containers, the sleek, curved Cloud 9 has every family covered for a ride through the park. But that’s just for starters.”

So what hot new car is this a prototype for? The Hyundai Genesis? Ford’s savior electric car? Hummer??

Wrong, all. Radio Flyer.

That’s right. The Cloud 9 looks to change forever the face of little kiddie wagons. It’s also got a dock for little Timmy’s mp3 player. Well, it’s about time!

Cloud 9, when blankets aren't enough to buffer your bum

Cramer’s livid about the fact that banks aren’t disclosing what they’ve done with over $250 billion of government money. Which makes sense when you think about it: $250 billion??? But as aggravating as it is, it is not to be unexpected.

If you know a thing or two about how the world works. Enter Mr. Jensen.

What was Sarah Palin’s greatest regret from the 2008 Presidential campaign? Not enough Couric interviews, apparently. This year’s best fake plastic candidate differs with McCain’s campaign’s strategy of keeping her underwraps – a decision one campaign advisor notoriously defended as saying that she was a “diva” and wouldn’t take their advice on anything – and regrets not talking to the American people “via media.” I don’t think she’s referencing the Middle Way.

Some of you might remember her stunningly poetic words from the campaign trial trail this year. One example:

“You Can’t Blink”

You can’t blink.
You have to be wired
In a way of being
So committed to the mission,

The mission that we’re on,
Reform of this country,
And victory in the war,
You can’t blink.

So I didn’t blink.

I also want a poet to lead us. I won’t settle for some young punk with fancy-shmansy historical references and all that “this is our place in history” baloney. I need someone who’s tough minded. Who doesn’t blink. Who doesn’t waste time reading newspapers or following national politics. Someone who comes to us from off some forlorn Alaskan mountain, spouting words we can barely understand. Step to the side, Zarathustra. You never composed a piece of this stunning unclarity:

“Befoulers of the Verbiage”

It was an unfair attack on the verbiage
That Senator McCain chose to use,
Because the fundamentals,
As he was having to explain afterwards,
He means our workforce.
He means the ingenuity of the American.
And of course that is strong,
And that is the foundation of our economy.
So that was an unfair attack there,
Again based on verbiage.

Finally, and most importantly, I need a campaign filled with more moments like these.

Palin ‘12!

If you’re like me, you like dumping on political correctness (known to the hipster crowd as “PC,” and by hipsters I mean Anderson Cooper). It’s hypersensitivity, the way it strips so much meaning from our daily discourse, etc., etc. But of course, we’re at our best when we are presented with the strongest arguments against our positions.

In that spirit, you’ll want to read this. Once upon a time, video game developers just didn’t care what anybody thought. Here’s to progress!

Black faced Jim?? REALLY!?

Man, the things they used to get away with in video games. My favorite? The daintily appearing bad guys in Vendetta. Watch what the one dude does to the streetlight. Hilarious.

Since making accusations of heresy no longer carry any weight, I’ll just show this without comment.

Follow the Daily Dish as Andrew Sullivan collects more nominees for the Christmas Hathos awards. Warning: there’s a delectibly bad version of David Hasselholf singing Stille Nacht. Lord Jesus, come quickly!

Here it is. You have a guy some of us could consider a bigot pray at your party, a guy you clearly disagree with on major issues, and you’re a bigot? Guilt-by-association all over again?

I can’t help but file the Rick Warren story in the “No Big Deal” category. Maybe I need someone to convince me otherwise. But if you voted for the guy who said, “I’m gonna change the partisan name-calling game,” and he begins his presidency with bringing in people who disagree with him, what’s so surprising about that? What’s so bad about that?

I’ll wait to see his policies towards gays before making the call. Let’s see what happens.